Jackass Rabbit
Plot --The scene opens with a view of the Grand Canyons. Cuddles and Toothy stand by the edge in awe of the view-- Cuddles: There it is, Tooth. The ultimate stunting ground! We're gonna reel in so much ratings from this! Toothy: You said the exact same thing when you went down Niagara Falls in a cardboard box. The only thing you reeled in was broken bones and a huge hospital bill. Cuddles: Puh, anyone could go down Niagara Falls in a barrel. But I digress. THIS is where things really kick off! You see, many of those other "professionals" have tried doing stunts in the Grand Canyon, and half of those many have chickened out. Toothy: What happened to the other half? Cuddles: They're down there. *points to a mass grave at the bottom of the canyon* Toothy: Damn... *sees a photo of Gutsy on one of the graves* Wait a minute, is that Gutsy? Cuddes: The guy we used to watch perform stunts when we were kids? Yep. He tried to drive over a gorge with car full of dynamite. It all went "Kablooey!" and he fell into a cobra pit. Rumor has it those cobras still roam here this very day. *turns his head* But this time, it's going to be different! I've carefully calculated every possible outcome of this stunt of mine and made sure it could only end in success. I shall blast myself out of a cannon and land all the way across the valley, unharmed. Toothy: Oh, so that's why we brought this cannon with us. Cuddles: First thing's first, we gotta make sure it's empty. *points the cannon downward and a heavy ball rolls out, knocking Toothy off the ledge* Oh, shi- --The scene shifts to a hospital, where Toothy is in a body cast-- Cuddles: So how is he, nurse? Dennis: Unfortunately, Toothy has broken every bone in his body. And worse, he has no life insurance. If he can't afford treatment, he'll have to remain in this cast forever. *Toothy angrily scolds Cuddles in muffled speech* Cuddles: I'm sorry, Tooth. I promise I'll find a way to make it up to you. *overhears Lumpy and Truffles in the next ward and sees them with Cro-Marmot in a fridge* Truffles: I'm telling you, Lumpy, your ice buddy is dead! For millions of years, he's been dead! Lumpy: Leave Cro out of this, he's only napping! Once he wakes up, we'll make him the star of our next episode. Until then, we need another idea for an episode that could potentially reel in high ratings and make us lots of money. *a scheme develops in Cuddles' head* Cuddles: So you want an amazing episode pitch, eh? Well do I have a pitch for you. Lumpy: What? How - okay, but make it quick. It's almost our coffee break. Cuddles: Imagine the greatest stunt of all time. Then multiply that ten times. What do you get? Lumpy: Ugh, I hate math. Cuddles: The Grand Canyon Cannonball! Picture it now: yours truly flying all the way across the Grand Canyon, and the millions of viewers tuning in to watch it. It'll be grand, I tell ya! Truffles: What you're saying sounds highly dangerous and could very well scar our viewers for life. Lumpy: IT'S PERFECT! When's the soonest it can air? Cuddles: Just meet me at the Grand Canyon Friday night at 7 pm sharp for a live broadcast. Lumpy: *shaking hands with Cuddles* Deal! -- Three days later, the night of the event. Crowds gather at the Canyon as Cuddles prepares to pull off his stunt -- Cuddles: I'm telling you, Lumpster! This'll be the show of a lifetime. People will be telling this story to their grand children. Lumpy: For your sake, I hope you're right. I had to promote your stunt like crazy just to get everyone's attention. *Cutaway shows Giggles trying to change the channel as a commercial for the show plays, but it is on every channel. She ultimately tosses her TV out the window. Then she pulls out her phone, but the ad appears on it too.* Truffles: Alright, the gang's all hear. *A cast of the HTF gang exits the bus in complete confusion* Petunia: Where are we? Handy: Hey, this isn't the Superbowl! Lumpy: Don't worry, I've worked on the Halftime Show and can gladly say you won't be satisfied with it. But you'll be thrilled when Cuddles does his super radical stunt-thingy. Russell: Wait a minute. That there be me cannon! I've been searching a week for her. Truffles: Cuddles told us he needed it for his stunt. Russell: Oh no, he ain't using me cannon fer one of his shenanigans! And what happened to me cannonball? Truffles: It crushed Toothy's ribs and rolled off somewhere in the valley below. Cuddles plans to use the money earned from this broadcast to pay for Toothy's medical bill. Wouldn't you at least stay for a couple of your friends? Sniffles: I still haven't forgiven Cuddles for the time he messed up our band recording and got us all killed in the process. Flaky: And I'm still upset from when he pushed me down a dry water slide against my will. But we're willing to stay...for Toothy, the poor guy needs us more than ever. Nutty: I'll stay for the free candy you promised, heehehe. Cuddles: *exiting from his dressing room* Alright! Who's ready for the show of a lifetime! *the crowd cheers, Cuddles turns to the camera* And to my pal Toothy, you're gonna get well soon buddy. *Toothy watches from the TV in his ward* --Cuddles climbs into the cannon and soon feels something inside with him -- Cuddles: Hey, what's that moving around in here? *turns on a match to discover a brood of cobras at his feet, seconds before the cannon explodes.* Petunia: Wow, look at him go! Sniffles: Hold on. Do I see a truck full of pillows down there? Lumpy: Yep. Cuddles was supposed to land there. But it seems somebody pointed the cannon the wrong way. *flashback reveals Lumpy doing just that* Cuddles: This was a horrible idea! AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH! *Cuddles zips across the sky missing half his torso while cobras bite his head, until he splats on the ledge of a cliff, slides down the surface before peeling off and falling the rest of the way into a bunch of cacti, which then catch fire* -- At the hospital the next day, Cuddles is in a body cast -- Dennis: Cuddles, I'm happy to say that Toothy has made a full recovery, all thanks to your contribution. Toothy: Yeah, thanks Cuddles! Lumpy: Well, you kept your word. The ratings were some of the biggest we've ever gotten! We should do stunts on our show more often. Dennis: Unfortunately, you don't have health insurance either. Really, you a stuntman who performs deadly tricks on a regular basis doesn't have health insurance? Toothy: Hmmm...I guess I'll have to return the favor. --The scene shifts to Toothy having a bake sale-- Toothy: This is so much better than what Cuddles would have had in mind. Nothing can go wrong here. *Nutty ravenously eats the goods at the stand and Toothy tries to hold him back* Nutty: Must... have! Gimme! Toothy: Stay back, Nutty! *Nutty punches Toothy, knocking his glass eye into a cupcake bowl, surrounded by identical-looking cupcakes. Nutty laughs before taking a bite out of Toothy's eye, resulting in shards of glass bursting through his head* -End- Trivia *The title is a portmanteau of Jackass (the reality television series) and Jackrabbit. *It is revealed that Gutsy died performing a stunt in the Grand Canyon prior to this series. Category:HTF:10 Years Later Category:Fan Episodes